The baby is finally asleep. You have a little time to yourselves. And the most tempting thing you can imagine doing in bed is… sleeping.
Sound familiar?
You still love each other. But between night feeds, work, laundry and “Did you buy nappies?”, flirting can quietly slip off the agenda. Long kisses become quick pecks. Time together gets postponed until you both have more energy.
Becoming parents doesn’t mean you stop being partners. Your relationship still deserves affection, attention and a little room to play.
Why does intimacy feel different?
Having a baby changes the rhythm of everyday life. There’s less privacy, more responsibility and far less room for spontaneity.
Research reflects that adjustment. A 2022 meta-analysis published in Frontiers in Psychology, bringing together 49 studies, found that marital satisfaction declined on average during the first two years after the birth of a first child. That’s an overall pattern, not a prediction for every couple.
Read the research: Transition to Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analysis.
What about couples splitting up in the first three years?
A study by Waller and Peters, published in Social Science Research in 2008, found that 11.4% of marriages in its US sample had ended in divorce or separation within three years of a child’s birth. The analysis included 1,009 mothers who were married when their child was born. The figure includes separation as well as legal divorce; it is not a divorce rate for Latvia or a universal figure for all parents.
Neither study shows that having less sex causes divorce. What they do highlight is that becoming parents can be a significant adjustment for a relationship.
Making time for each other matters. So does making that time feel good for both of you.
Where do you start when passion is on pause?
Start small.
A kiss that lasts a little longer. A hug with your phone put away. Saying “I miss spending time with you” before another evening disappears into chores.
Sharing the everyday workload matters, too. It’s hard to feel playful when you’re still mentally working through tomorrow’s to-do list.
Affection doesn’t have to lead to sex. You can cuddle, kiss or give each other a massage without either person feeling that something else is expected.
And when you both feel like trying something different, a little novelty can give you a fresh way to enjoy familiar touch.
Three little reasons to make time for two
Meet Secretplay Brazilian Balls: dissolving capsules filled with massage oil.
Despite the name, these are not vaginal exercise balls or pelvic floor trainers. Hold one in a damp hand and let warmth and moisture dissolve the capsule, releasing the oil in around three to five minutes.
Choose the version that suits your mood.
SECRETPLAY — SET 2 BRAZILIAN BALLS TRIPLE EFFECT
Feeling curious?
The Triple Effect version combines sensations the manufacturer describes as cooling, warming and “vibration”. There’s no motor involved: “vibration” refers to the sensation created by the formula, and the experience will vary from person to person.
If you both enjoy experimenting with sensory products, this could bring something new to a massage. Start with a small amount and check in with each other as you go.
Explore Secretplay Triple Effect.
SECRETPLAY — BRAZILIAN BALLS WARMING EFFECT, 2 UNITS
Like a little warmth with your massage?
These capsules release massage oil with a warming effect. Dim the lights, put your phones aside and take turns giving each other an unhurried massage.
There’s no need to plan an elaborate evening. A few quiet minutes of undivided attention can be a lovely place to start.
Explore Secretplay Warming Effect.
SECRETPLAY — BRAZILIAN BALLS CHERRY
Prefer a fruity scent?
The Cherry version releases cherry-scented massage oil, adding a fragrant detail to your evening together. Pick some music, get comfortable and enjoy taking your time.
One thing to remember: despite the sweet scent, this product is not edible.
A few things to know before you begin
Always follow the instructions on the packaging. Dissolve the capsule in a damp hand first and use the released oil for external massage. Do not swallow the capsules or insert them into the vagina.
Avoid broken or irritated skin and contact with the eyes. Stop using the product if irritation occurs. The manufacturer states that these products are not compatible with condoms. Keep them out of children’s reach.
After childbirth, let comfort guide you. If touch is painful or you are still healing, put experiments on hold and speak to your healthcare professional about any symptoms.
There’s room for a new kind of closeness
You don’t have to recreate your relationship exactly as it was before having a baby. Life has changed, and finding your way back to each other may take time.
A massage oil won’t resolve resentment or replace an honest conversation. It can, however, be a lovely addition to an evening you’ve chosen to spend together.
You can begin with something as simple as:
“Shall we make a little time for us tonight?”